Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
