I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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