I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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