And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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