If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
