Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
