if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
