Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
