Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
