So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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