If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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