thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
