I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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