My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
