Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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