i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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