I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
