I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
