I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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