im about as happy as oj after his trial
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
