Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
