a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
