my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
