I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
