oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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