Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
