Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
