grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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