can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
