Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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