Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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