Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
