was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
