I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
