i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
