my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
