my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
