my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
