singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
