is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
