I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You don't make any sense
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