you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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