Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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