how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
