Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
