Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
