I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
