The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
