she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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