Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
