Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
