I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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