Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
