I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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