His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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