In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
