I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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