tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
