I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
